January 29, 2005

The Three Boyfriendly Duties

I was reading this article from Just One Bite recently, and it got me thinking about the same question. What is it that I really look for in a man?

Well, the list has changed over the years. It started off as a list of Must-Nots. Not shorter, younger or a smoker, and definitely not vain. Vanity was measured by the number of bathroom products a man had, that is, if he had more than me, I considered him too vain. I have broken all of these rules at one time or another, with some proven to be pointless, and others to be wise and just.

It doesn't seem to matter how old or young a boyfriend is, all men are just boys at heart, and when a man is shorter than you at worst it can be an inconvenience at times, on the whole you don't really notice. Especially when you are lying down. Smokers are generally a bad idea if you don't smoke yourself, I certainly noticed the smell and the taste, but if that's the man you really want, then it shouldn't stop you. I really mean it about the bathroom products, though.

So the list moved on, and to a list of Must-Have's. He must have a sense of humour first, followed by a whole caboodle of other traits and interests. I wanted him to like everything I liked, do everything I did, and generally be a male clone of myself. I soon found that this was a fairly difficult list of criteria to meet, and at the same time began to realise that I'd like someone a bit more blokey, and cross-stitch wasn't as such an attractive characteristic as I had first thought.

So the list changed again. From Must-Not's to Must-Have's it has been refined to a list of Must-Do's. Three simple requests every boyfriend should be happy to fulfill.

  • Sex

  • Cinema

  • Carrying heavy objects.


So what makes these qualities so important? The first, or so I'm reliably informed, you can get from any nightclub in town. The second any girlfriend would be happy to oblige. And as for the third, well I'm not really that much of a weakling. No, it's not as simple as that. The reasons for having a steady boyfriend for sex are fairly obvious, and this is a family show, so quickly on to the other points.

Cinema. Whilst I would happily drag any girlfriend out to watch the latest costume drama, or perhaps even a French murder mystery musical, (sorry, what?), I don't always get a positive response to a suggestion of the latest action blockbuster, even when it happens to star George Clooney. And if the lads are going to see it, they don't generally want a girl tagging along. They want to swear, make sexist remarks, and drink beer. And good for them too, but I don't really fit in. So a boyfriend is the perfect compromise.

Carrying heavy objects. I could, but I don't want to. I will invariable feel tired afterwards, and quite possibly break something (although this is more to do with general clumsiness rather than strength). Having a man to do it for you, ensures that you will remain fresh and calm, able to make the right decision about exactly where the heavy object should be put. The other advantage is that it makes me feel cared for, looked after, which is the real point here. I get a little rush of warmth all over whenever I hear the words "let me take that from you". I know he's really saying "I love you".

And in truth, that is what it's all about. I could go on forever (and very nearly have) about do's and don'ts, and what makes the perfect guy, but really there's only one thing that matters. I realised a while back now that I'll know when the guy I love is right for me. All I want in a man is that he loves me as much as my Father loves my Mother. And then I'll have all that I ever need.

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